In the last post we learned that solving relationship problems is very dependent upon (a) framing the issue in a supportive manner, (b) admitting that we may be part of the problem, and (c) if necessary, being willing to seek couples counseling from a mental health professional.
There are other guidelines that can help as well. Let’s examine a common hazard that can complicate the process of resolving a relationship issue.
Seeking The Silver Bullet
When confronted with a problem, we humans like to find a single simple and direct solution. This includes that magic weight-loss pill (the one that requires no exercise and allows us to munch all the donuts we want), the drug that “keeps our diabetes under control,” a perfume or cologne that will attract the perfect mate, or a quick visit to a couples counselor, who in one session will tell us how to fix our relationship (the one that has been deteriorating over a period of years). No muss, no fuss, no interrupting our busy social lives, no hard choices or self-discipline required.
In reality, life is almost never that simple or easy. Although it makes sense to search for the magic bullet that will solve our problem (the Big Gorilla variable], it ‘s not realistic to expect to find it. Solving problems generally requires some hard work and tradeoffs.
Life Is Complex:
Don’t Expect Simple Answers
Do Expect To Work Hard, Be Patient, And Accept Tradeoffs
Tradeoffs are part of the important engineering principle of optimization. In a future post we’ll see how that principle can be applied to solving relationship issues.
Cause or Coincidence?